Tuesday, March 18, 2008

for the birds

I'm not exactly sure what I want to say with this post. I think I can explain and frankly, think through what I've been calling these felted birds: Alter(super)ego.
Each one is then numbered for the sake of recognizing the series. Pictured: Alter(super)ego I, III, and IV. I think most of us understand that the alter ego is "a person's secondary or alternative personality." So, I'm inserting (super) as I recognize the alter superego in myself. Superego is defined as the part of one's mind that acts as a self-critical conscience defined by society, teachers, parents, etc. I think my superego debilitates my artistic drive sometimes. I think I've put off, quit, thought better of, and scoffed my own creative ideas at times - simply because they weren't "logical, productive, fiscally responsible, efficient, or useful." In quotation you read the voice of my own self-critical conscience.

I was required to read "Art and Fear" my freshman year of college as an art student. I can't remember who wrote it nor most of its points beside this (in keeping with the Nike swoosh): Just do it. The self-critical conscience might be a hefty phrase for fear. My vocation as an artist asks me to stand up to my fear.

I see that I am standing up, however peaceful in my stance, to my fear. My processes and themes of art making are progressively more aligned with what I intuit as right for me to use creatively. I am producing art at a pace with which I resonate. Further, I don't really feel like I have to "stand up for myself" anymore. More accurately, I think I need to keep working.

These felt birds represent the "alter" of the superego in that they are not about saving time nor money and they are not conventionally useful. The time spent in slowly felting the fiber using a single barbed needle is more in line with meditation. Meditation, daily meditation, daily hours of meditation... allowance for this method and others like it (in my other works) is not a part of our culture's work ethic. Certainly there is a sub-culture of "slow food, slow movement, slow (whatever, just relax and notice this world), but it's only just begun. It looks like I've jumped on that train of reaction against GO GO GO. I still work from the time I get up until the time I go to sleep, but it's certainly with a healthy dose of "I don't have to if I don't want to."

My self-critical conscience is telling me that I sound like a rebellious youth. I think I'll go sleep on it.

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