cut

In the midst of cutting around 900 pieces of fabric to sew, I remember how much I love doing repetitive tasks and zoning out on a sunny morning. 

It's okay I'm different now. I'm different now. I'm different now.

general feelings of shifting shifting
shifting habits and intentions
living and working
and not working
and shifting

I haven't written or shared anything in 2 months.  I realize that I am
a) more disinterested in the "art conversation" than ever,
b) more interested in making art and figuring out what kind of art I want to make,
and c) generally on a different path than 3 years ago.

When I moved to Denver in 2009 with my partner, now husband, Christian, we came with optimism about developing our own architecture/development project in the city and we came with intention to positively contribute and participate in the art community.

The latter was easily accomplished with GroundSwell Gallery - the project of the last 3 years.  I don't mean "easily" as though the work was easy, rather I mean that the intention was accomplished.  I gave it my all and we've got 2 exhibitions to go before I'll walk away from our good gallery.  I'm shifting.

The former, the architecture and development is in the works.  We've got our first project half way under construction and plan to move in late April.  (See right margin for a link to that project on Christian's website).  The desire to contribute our best skills and most quality standards of aesthetics and lifestyle - happening.

So here I am doing what I wanted to do, having fulfilled a dream, shifting the ways of my life...
The beginning of 2013 rocked my world having had a major shock with the deaths of my sister in law and her new husband and unborn baby...  the first half of the year is decidedly a true blur.  The rest of 2013 brought a realization that I don't need to run our altruistic gallery anymore, brought major change in the type of artwork and approach to art-making that I do, and much learning about letting go, grieving and stepping into the present.

I am shifted.  I am shifting.  The artwork that I now make is more about curiosity and discovery, self awareness and self care.  I don't know how else to describe it, but I promise to share more images of what I'm doing.  For our bed, I am working on a large quilt (I believe I've posted about this project), which speaks to the design philosophy of Anni Albers and also the relationship color has with us as dreamers.  I've been making many drawings that are directly related to visions from dreams and from moments of epiphany.  Because of the work I am doing with my psychotherapist, I realize I have visions, and I've become increasingly aware of the direct correlations between my visual mind and my life's narrative.  In all, I've made 7 drawings and I'll probably make more of what I'm calling the "Primary Platonic" drawings. 

The drawing board.

here we all are again... **xmas**

Self, with a capital "S"

To live creatively is a choice. You must make a commitment to your own mind and the possibility that you will not be accepted. You have to let go of satisfying people, often even yourself. 

-Jessica Olien

This year has been a year of throwing off the urge to satisfy others' expectations and norms.  Even though for most of my life I have been doing or working at doing this (Public school in the 90s - "Be yourself!"), there is a lingering code of "right vs. wrong" that causes tension within my Self.  Dealing with this tension is an important thing, but I also see it as a diversion from the living and realizing that is particularly me.

Jessica Olien's writing on Slate.com about the acceptance-or-not of the Creatives in our culture is a message that highlights the root of this tension I refer to.  Read the article here.

My wish for the world is that we can self-realize.  Creative or not, consider who you want to be (I think this comes from knowing who you really are), and be that person.  No time to lose.  Never too late.

Self, graphite + colored pencil on paper, 2013

What kind of artist am I?

Me, at right, deliberating. **

At the beginning of this month, I participated in a panel discussion on Provisional painting.  At the start, I was introduced as a curator and founder of GroundSwell Gallery and as a conceptual artist.  Albeit the moderator did hesitate around the term "conceptual," I found myself befuddled as my mind tried to respond to the larger issue: What kind of artist I am.

This is a familiar topic for me nonetheless.  Most people, upon discovering that I am an artist, ask me, What kind of artist?  Am I a painter?  Or... ?  Most people who are outside of the art community immediately wonder if I am a painter.  I'm amused by this initial thought: Artist = Painter.  I imagine this is a result of one's art education only reaching the middle school level, so familiarity with artists ranged from Monet to Picasso to Pollack to Warhol (MAYBE Warhol).  All painters.

Anyway, my response is usually that yes, I do paintings sometimes, but my art making and media choices are a result of an initial inspiration.  I usually have a vision that relates to philosophy or a personal discovery and that vision leads to a media choice that makes sense.  I just follow my intuition in answering the question, "How can I realize this vision?"  I don't consider myself an expert in any one media, but I do consider myself adept at many media and broadly experienced with various techniques and skill-sets.  Blahdy blahdy blahdy, is this person still listening?  Is what I am saying ringing any bells?  Maybe...  so, sometimes I do paintings.  Sometimes I make sculpture.  I've worked in performance.  I enjoy making large installations, site-specific and otherwise.  Right now, I'm making drawings on paper.  Another aspect of my work is that I tend to work in a very repetitive way.

In the case of the panel discussion, which was also about a vague matter (Provisional painting), I realized I was now talking to a group of people who speak the language of art, of media, of technique and the artist's practice.  These individuals had the background information on the subject and I felt compelled to answer this question more in depth.  However, I was also posed with the categorization of conceptual artist.  I began my response by saying that I had never actually considered myself a conceptual artist, but I could see why she, the moderator, might say so.  My work, being of different media and techniques from project to project, is often linked to a concept, which I describe alongside my work (examples: www.rebeccapeebles.com).  The concept from one project to the next may string along familiar modalities of thinking and working or similar goals despite varied processes toward reaching the goal.  So by the end of my dribbling, befuddled artspeak, I actually said out loud, "Well, maybe you're right.  Maybe I AM a conceptual artist."

No, that's not true.  How bizarre that I walked all around that self-definition-moment undecided, almost desperate to end the tail-spin, and then I just accepted the assumption.  So having given it some thought for a few more weeks, I'll say what I have meant to say for a long time.  I am not a painter.  I am not a sculptor.  I am not an installation artist.  I am not a conceptual artist.  I am not a performance artist.  I am not a print maker.  I am not a textile/fiber artist.  I am not an illustrator.  I wouldn't even call myself an interdisciplinary artist (although that vague term is perhaps the closest fit).

I am an artist.  That is all I am.  I utilize all of who I am and what I know and what I have as I need to.  I make art.
That's enough for me.
I'm certainly not trying to fit into any categories for catalogs or historical documents.  I could care less about my CV or resume.  I even think it's time to re-write my Artist's statement to say less about what kind of artist I am.
There's no reason for me to try to be the right kind of artist or make the kind of art that's popular.  I don't believe in making art for the market or even for an audience - those aims are destructively distracting from my art practice.
I make art for (first) myself and (second) for the love in it and (third) for beauty.

To the moderator of that discussion, thank you for helping me realize who I am not and therefore, who I am... as an artist.

**photo credit - Rebecca Vaughn

3 on Lawrence, under construction.

What does all this building material amount to in my life?

My husband's current project, OUR triplex, 3 on Lawrence, now under construction.  The 2nd floor is on and the walls are about to go up.  That boom truck is loading thick sheetrock into the building which will be part of the super-insulated exterior and partition walls. (Meaning, these 3 units will be super quiet and super efficient with heat/cool!)

That 18ft. opening is for a sliding glass door and window system!  Each unit gets one to look out over a courtyard patio!

Brad Peebles holds down the 2nd floor

That guy on the 2nd floor is my Dad.  He's been out on the work-site for a week working with Christian and the other carpenters/laborers.  It's a hard job, but this project is going to be beautiful!  Big love and thanks to my amazing husband, Christian and my generous Dad.

You can see the renderings for this project on Christian's website: www.studiolimited.com  (there's a link to it on the Left margin of this blog too).

Moving Day

Today I moved my studio from a 120 sq. ft. room (our 2nd bedroom) to a 600 sq. ft. SPACE (emphasis on the "space").
snapshots of the 14th Ave. Studio (2 yrs of claustro-arto-phobia):

These photos were taken by cramming myself into the opposite corners of the room

and the new 4747 Studio ((sigh) take it all in):

As usual, these photos don't begin to convey the enormous difference this will make for my art making life.

My studio mates: John McEnroe and Bruce Price.  I am stoked.

Here's to a new adventure!